It was fucking ridiculous. It had racist bits (the male lead dresses in blackface to try and trick the female lead) , it was misogynistic (like half a dozen women get bitch slapped), poorly written and acted, had the largest grossing opening earnings at the box office for a Bollywood flick, and it included Brandon Routh, Denise Richards, Holly Valance, and Sylvester-fucking-Stallone.
The wikipedia article I read had THIS as it's synopsis:
Kambakkht Ishq explores the relationship between two individuals as different from each other as chalk and cheese. No matter how many times they are pushed together, there are only fireworks... no fire. Viraj Shergill (Akshay Kumar) is a swashbuckling stuntman in Hollywood who believes that women are only good for two things: "making love" & "making love". Simrita Rai (Kareena Kapoor) is a firebrand who is more than able to stare down the most arrogant male with her caustic wit and sardonic tongue. She firmly believes that there is no such thing as love.
When the two people who hate each other the most meet at Simrita's best friend Kamini's (Amrita Arora) and Viraj's brother Lucky's (Aftab Shivdasani) wedding, the result is a wedding that both Viraj and Simrita are violently opposed to and desperate to stop.
Here's an image of how utterly ridiculous this is:
They hate each other so much, that he forcibly makes out with her at some point near the beginning of the movie (cuz we all sexually assault the ones we hate)
and she gets back at him by getting some customs people to anally probe him in a really violent manner (this is on their way back from a random trip to Italy... yeah,
for some reason Italy is involved).
Well, there's an accident on set one day, and Vijray (or whatever his name is) ends up going under the knife...
SHE HAPPENS TO BE THE SURGEON, and she accidentally loses her watch inside of him and stitches him back up.
She panics, and decides that instead of telling him she made a mistake, she has to get him to fall in love with her to .... illegally cut the watch out of him (OBVIOUSLY! Why didn't I think of this before?!).
So she tries to drug him, but instead drugs herself and ends up in bed with him in her hotel room (wow, date rape really brings down a romantic comedy, amirite people?). But before she passes out, there's a song and dance sequence, and she totally gives the lead a blowjob in
Anyhoo, he (blowjob receiver) proposes in a lavish way on his boat (in Hollywood somewhere I'm assuming) and she succeeds in drugging him, drags him back to the hospital (somehow) and cuts him open illegally and then screams at him to get out.
He isn't wearing pants.
ex-lover, Denise Richards.
Yes, Denise Richards. She hates Charlie Sheen and wants to make golden babies with Vijsomething. GOLDEN BABIES.
So he proposes, and the ever-desperate Denise Richards accepts (hey, she ain't getting any younger).
Bebo decides that she was wrong for breaking Viraj's heart, and gets his brother to get into a dangerous high-speed car ride in L.A. to break up Viraj and Denise
He happens to be friends with Viraj and Lucky (Viraj's brother
is named Lucky) and Sly beats the shit out of the gang. The entire gang. I think at one point he uproots a parking meter
and beats the gang up with it.
So, Bebo makes it to the
wedding and ruins it. And Viraj and Denise Richards have a chat, and the ever-gracious Richards, just says "go, man, you know you wanna" and is left wearing her wedding dress in front of her entire wedding while Bebo and Viraj drive off into the sunset.
I swear, this movie got 1 out of 5 stars, and the only reason that happened is 'cuz there are laws against giving 0 stars.
Either way, every once in awhile, Bollywood spews out a little tiny golden shit nugget of amazingness and I feel like the art has been reborn.
This movie is definitely one of those times.
Even though I’ve totally spoiled it for you, I still recommend that you go out and watch it.
It’s fantastic <3